Screaming kids investigated.

Being so not a parent, I felt I needed to get to the bottom of the whole screaming deal. Girls screaming I can understand. It goes way past childhood into womanhood. But boys? So I asked a dad whose kids are always screaming just to see who runs out of breathe first and be crown the champ with first rights to the ladies. I suppose it kinda work the same way like in the animal kingdom. The king of the jungle gets all the chicks, so does the walrus. Man those guys can literally kill their woman with their size. Calm down ladies, by size I meant their weight. So I figured that the screaming part is to impress the chicks just like how the alpha male peacocks would spread their finest feathers in front of their babes to be. Then it occurred to me. This can’t be right. The kids are only 3. Their lives evolve around Barney the purple talking T-Rex and his silly songs and chocolates. It can’t be about the ladies.

Apparently, the screaming is a result of a lack of vocabulary to express themselves. So like when they want to say ‘I am sooooooo psyched up about the upcoming event’ they will attempt it by going…’I am so err………AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’ Yeah that’s what I was trying to say. Comprendo? No? Ok I say again. ‘I ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’ Yes? So it seems that when they get excited and can’t find a better word to express how pleased or overwhelmed they are about something they scream and sometimes run around in circles at the same time in maniac speed.

Everything seems to make a lot of sense now. There is a reason for it after all. It’s not about the prize for winning the loudest and longest scream nor is it about getting the ladies. It’s about expressing oneself in their way and style. Some do it with the all time classic favourite standing still mouth wide open scream, others put in a little creativity with their scream and spinning themselves at the same time.

So when I get to my room and there’s this really gorgeously hot woman lying on my bed wearing next to nothing smiling at me, I should consider this form of expression of delight. Screaming and running around in circles until I passed out dizzy. I am sure that’s going to help me score with the ladies. Maybe I should just stick to what I know is safer. Call the local police and lock myself in the washroom till they rescue me. When a stranger, no matter how hot she is lies naked on your bed waiting for you to come home, something’s got to be wrong. Or maybe there’s something really wrong with me.