I Don't Know The Real Name.

I just learnt something odd on a visit to the company’s overseas branch office. While having lunch with some new colleagues I casually asked this new guy who is who when it came to names on the emails I had received from them. As I had just popped into the new office and took a glimpse of everyone there and wasn’t formally introduced, I had no opportunity to learn their names. So the best way was link their faces to their emails as I had been previously corresponding with some before heading over. He looked at me and went ‘I only know their nick names. I do not know their real names’.

I looked at him and burst out laughing as I found the concept hilarious. Imagine you only know all your colleagues's baby names given by family members and when the courier guy comes and say I have a parcel for so and so, the receiving person will come into the office yelling do we know anyone named so and so. My new colleague went on to add his nick name is ABC but his real name is ……..a 250 letter worded name.

Told him his nick name is fine by me. I do not need to learn his real name nor that of the rest of the colleagues. All nicknames suit me perfectly over here! I figured it’s a lot easier to remember 2 to 3 letter names than their actual names with practically all the letters in the alphabet thrown in, some with the same alphabets appearing more than 5 times.

So I guess my previous theory of changing my name to something unpronounceable to avoid getting more work will have to go back to the drawing board. I thought I was a genius! With a difficult name to call the boss would just pick someone else to do the work. You…err…… never mind, Tom you go get this done. But now I know better. He will just probably give me a nick name and I still have to get the work done. Damn nick names.

Dreadful Words & The Opposite Sex

Men dread receiving the following words from the opposite sex in no order of horror.

Nothing is wrong almost always mean EVERYTHING IS WRONG! You are in deep ass trouble and yet you have not the slightest idea what. Which makes it worst. You just turned EVERYTHING IS WRONG into YOU ARE SOOOO DEAD aka you are one step closer to meeting Satan.

I am fine is another variation to nothing is wrong except that you are not in deep a crap hole as the former. Usually when you get this you are mostly in the know of what you did wrong so you are not so dead. You are not scot free but still not in a good place. It just means you need to create a different sort of hole and it affects your pocket. Buy a lot of her favorite flowers. If you do not know what are her favorite flowers then you have taken a step back. You had officially just screwed yourself from this resolvable situation back into the nothing is wrong zone. Hello Satan again.

We need to talk is another one that hardly leads to anything good much less a fulfilling conversation. In fact we need to talk translates into you need to stop talking to each other forever. They usually start out calm for a few seconds leading to confusion and end up with not so much talking just mostly shouting, screaming, name calling, crying and in the end you cannot even recall what the need to talk is all about. Once the talk ends, so does the relationship.

I have a headache. Yes the pail of water dunk on your flames. Make that icy cold water.

Then there is the silent treatment which doesnt involve any words ironically because it is the nuclear holocaust of all words. They all die in this instance and the black and white movie world takes over. You shudder with this cold chill running down your spine. You will shift uncomfortably in your seat, you feel like your underpants has lost all its elasticity suddenly and everything is hanging loose inside including your ding dongs. The ultimate torture until her hand phone rings and it’s her best friend on the line. The sun is out! She is yapping away happily. A ray of hope for you now, fact that she is talking means no more silence and she may even throw you a bone. She hangs up the phone and the sun is engulfed by the massive black hole. No sun, no ray of hope. You find yourself struggling to gasp for air. You are back in North Point holding on to your ding dongs again.

You are my best friend. How does this become the dreaded word? If it is not coming from your other half but someone whom you wish is. It is the sucker punch. Takes the wind out of your sail and you find yourself walking with your head down with hunched shoulders. You become a zombie but not a very good one. You have no wish to go around scaring anyone like a good zombie should. You just hate being the best friend to the opposite sex you are attracted to. A guy cannot be a best girl friend to another girl. Physically it is just not possible. We don’t like to shave our legs.