So today my colleague who’s seated next to me walked back from the ladies and announced to me “I’m Bleeding!!!” Under normal circumstances when I hear something like that I would either a) pass out cold, b) call for an ambulance, c) call for an ambulance and pass out cold or d) call for two ambulances, one for her and the other for me and then pass out cold. In her case, I know that she always never mean what regular people would understand from a statement like “I’m bleeding”. It’s only her time of the months’ non fatal lost of blood. But having said that it also means sounding the air raid warning sirens and scrambling for any cover you can find. Save yourself for the love of god! It’s D Day! Stay away from a non fatal bleeding woman or you could be the one who is bleeding fatally.
I mean how do you know if a girl is just in her regular cycle and not plain crazy? Unless you are her boyfriend, husband, lover, you never really keep track of the dates. Then again even if you do watch the dates, you could have remembered it wrongly and end up being congratulated for being a newbie parent. Of course there are times you are just lucky to be seated next to one who is kind enough to give you a head start or you may innocently walk into a mine field.
How do you really know if it’s safe or it’s time to fly low and stay low? I have an idea. Create a mini flag pole with 3 different colored flags, a Yellow flag, a Red flag and a Green flag. When she raises a Yellow flag, it signals an impending air raid but you are still free to roam around, just always stay close to cover. A hoisted Red flag signifies a nuclear holocaust. Godzilla has been awaken and risen from the deep sea tearing any brave, well dumb would be a more appropriate word in this instance, man apart should he stand in her way. A Green flag is everyone’s favorite. The guy’s favorite anyway. It’s the all clear sign that you are able to skip about carefree. You can even venture a couple of teasers and you won’t get your eyes stomped out with a stiletto. You may actually earn a giggle from her or even win the first prize – some happy time.
For the sake of all dumb mankind’s subsistence and preventing us from being consign to extinction will someone please build this flag pole. If it doesn’t work, then maybe some lucky ones may get a pole dance by his lady on a green flag day. Providing he can still see with the stilettos sticking in his eyeballs.
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Two big heavy balls
Recently I had been experiencing some joint pain on the finger next to my index. That’s right, my middle finger. It felt like it’s been bruised badly and whenever I rubbed it, hurt like I had slammed it on something concrete. I don’t recall getting it injured nor used it for any other activity that may bring a certain pleasure to my ex girlfriend. Nope, she didn’t ask for me to help her relief an itch on her back by scratching it the past couple of months so that couldn’t be it either.
Maybe during one of my driving excursions I had to express displeasure at a fellow driver’s antics on the road and showed him what I really thought of him at that moment. Maybe he stopped his car, came over and showed me what he thought of my way of expression with my middle finger. Maybe he crushed my middle finger or slammed it shut on his car door repeatedly. Maybe the pain was so excruciating that I blocked that scene out of my memory which would explain why my finger feels like its badly bruised and I don’t have a single recollection of how it happened. Maybe.
Or maybe not, as recently my pinkie finger started displaying similar symptoms. Same type of bruised feeling and honestly, no one uses a pinkie to exhibit your anger at another person. So that really rules out my middle finger escapade too. I think its something less sinister or more pending on how you look at it. It’s a sign that my aging body is starting to get lazy. The blood flow that is. I think the big problem is the issue with the ‘chi’ in me, it is weak. A little like how Anakin Skywalker ended up joining the dark side.
So I was telling my dad about it and he came out of his room with this huge set of balls in a box and passed it to me. It’s the type you see in movies filmed with ancient China as central themes where usually either some evil kung fu master is seen using it or the emperor would rotate them in one hand. Basically it is two balls sized like a super inflated ping pong ball each and made of either metal or cold marble. What you do is you put them on your palm and skillfully and very carefully rotate them around on your palm.
Believe it or not, it works like a miracle. Ten minutes of that rotation of the balls on my palm and the joints actually started to feel less painful! I was skeptical when my dad passed them to me initially but really I figured what more harm could happen except when I drop them on myself. It works! It really works! My two fingers felt a lot better and a lot less painful. The ‘chi’ is strong again.
A word of caution though. If you ever decide to try one of these miracle balls to improve your ‘chi’, you should really avoid dropping them while using it because that may present a different set of problems altogether. They weigh a ton each. Ok that’s just a figure of speech but it feels like a ton. Should you drop one of them on your toes, you may start showing middle fingers to everyone around you on the spot and they may not really take too kindly to your reaction. Then even the balls wouldn’t be of any help to your fingers bruising.
Either that or use them alone in your room. That way you are free to show all hand signs when accidents happen and still not have bruised fingers. You just have to figure out how to unbruise the toes.
Maybe during one of my driving excursions I had to express displeasure at a fellow driver’s antics on the road and showed him what I really thought of him at that moment. Maybe he stopped his car, came over and showed me what he thought of my way of expression with my middle finger. Maybe he crushed my middle finger or slammed it shut on his car door repeatedly. Maybe the pain was so excruciating that I blocked that scene out of my memory which would explain why my finger feels like its badly bruised and I don’t have a single recollection of how it happened. Maybe.
Or maybe not, as recently my pinkie finger started displaying similar symptoms. Same type of bruised feeling and honestly, no one uses a pinkie to exhibit your anger at another person. So that really rules out my middle finger escapade too. I think its something less sinister or more pending on how you look at it. It’s a sign that my aging body is starting to get lazy. The blood flow that is. I think the big problem is the issue with the ‘chi’ in me, it is weak. A little like how Anakin Skywalker ended up joining the dark side.
So I was telling my dad about it and he came out of his room with this huge set of balls in a box and passed it to me. It’s the type you see in movies filmed with ancient China as central themes where usually either some evil kung fu master is seen using it or the emperor would rotate them in one hand. Basically it is two balls sized like a super inflated ping pong ball each and made of either metal or cold marble. What you do is you put them on your palm and skillfully and very carefully rotate them around on your palm.
Believe it or not, it works like a miracle. Ten minutes of that rotation of the balls on my palm and the joints actually started to feel less painful! I was skeptical when my dad passed them to me initially but really I figured what more harm could happen except when I drop them on myself. It works! It really works! My two fingers felt a lot better and a lot less painful. The ‘chi’ is strong again.
A word of caution though. If you ever decide to try one of these miracle balls to improve your ‘chi’, you should really avoid dropping them while using it because that may present a different set of problems altogether. They weigh a ton each. Ok that’s just a figure of speech but it feels like a ton. Should you drop one of them on your toes, you may start showing middle fingers to everyone around you on the spot and they may not really take too kindly to your reaction. Then even the balls wouldn’t be of any help to your fingers bruising.
Either that or use them alone in your room. That way you are free to show all hand signs when accidents happen and still not have bruised fingers. You just have to figure out how to unbruise the toes.
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