You know what just bothers the hell out of me. What makes me wake up really moody and ready to kick the first person I see? It’s a good thing my mom leaves home early or else it wouldn’t really be funny to be kicking your mom. It’s bad Karma man. Anyway what eats me up and keeps me in this mood are erratic sleeping patterns.
Have you ever experience waking up an hour or so before you are suppose to because you really need to pee? I mean REALLY NEED to pee. The kind you are not able to sleep it through. I tried doing that and the whole period I will be in this dream where I will keep looking for a loo and have a really good go but each time coming out still feeling the massive urge. The feeling like the job’s not yet done. Then I will go again to another toilet. So basically the whole dream runs into the same pattern. Heading to different loos releasing all stocks and still leaving feeling unsatisfied. It’s a good thing that dreams do not translate to reality or I would have changed my mattresses like hundreds of times.
So you drag yourself out of bed unwillingly with a willing bladder and head for relieve. After that is done, you go back to bed, bladder feeling good but then sleep is over. No matter how you will yourself to sleep, make pacts with the devil, you still cant sleep and then the alarm goes. Sleep is over time to get up. Arrrgggggggggggggh!
Another type of sleeping problem that I have and basically makes me ready to kill someone is you toss and turn the whole damn night staying wide awake. You watched as the sky turns black to slight orangey and just an hour or so before its time to get up, you fall into deep slumber. Then the alarm goes. You will really want to kill someone. Its great if you are about to fight a war but not so great if your mom is the first person you see in the morning. It’s bad Karma man. Really bad.
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Coming Home and Old T's
This will be a short one ‘cos my slip disc is back. The pain is just annoying and I shouldn’t be sitting down so much. I felt I had to write this before I forget. I just had dinner with a couple of friends and I recalled a particular conversation with an acquaintance in a car as we were helping out at a friends wedding. We started to talk about all our girlfriends current and ex and their expectations and he on his ex girlfriends as he just got married. He said that he met his current wife and they went out only on a few dates before he decided that she is the one. After a few months of further dating as a couple, they made the decision to get married.
I asked him what triggered it and he said this, which I felt made a lot of sense. He said when he is with her, it is so comfortable and vice versa. It felt like he had come home. It’s like when you reached home, the feeling is one of comfort and ease. I think he hit the nail on the head. If you are always fighting with your girlfriend or boyfriend you tend to want to not be with the other person till both cooled down or worked things out. You don’t think it’s a home you would want to come back to. You will always want to stay out as late as possible as it is not a place you want to be.
Ex girlfriend has this group of girlfriends which also included a guy who would call all the girls whenever he is alone. Whether he is driving to work, at work or driving out of work. All his conversations were mostly idle chats and I never understood why he would do that all the time even to my ex girlfriend. It was much later I figured it out. He is trapped in a relationship with his wife where he cannot divorce her and the only way he can escape from his personal hell was to talk to everyone but his wife. They allowed him to be himself and he can forget his problems. He will stay out as late as possible, hit home dead tired and head to bed. This way he doesn’t need to speak much with the wife. It’s a sad situation but again same reasoning as to not wanting to come home. Not comfortable for him.
Like another friend said, being in a relationship that works is like wearing a very old t-shirt. Doesn’t fit as well anymore because of the tenth thousand times you washed it but it’s still always the first you pick to wear to sleep because it is the most comfortable. Food for thought. Next time you want to know if the other party is the one, think of home and old worn pajamas t shirt!
I asked him what triggered it and he said this, which I felt made a lot of sense. He said when he is with her, it is so comfortable and vice versa. It felt like he had come home. It’s like when you reached home, the feeling is one of comfort and ease. I think he hit the nail on the head. If you are always fighting with your girlfriend or boyfriend you tend to want to not be with the other person till both cooled down or worked things out. You don’t think it’s a home you would want to come back to. You will always want to stay out as late as possible as it is not a place you want to be.
Ex girlfriend has this group of girlfriends which also included a guy who would call all the girls whenever he is alone. Whether he is driving to work, at work or driving out of work. All his conversations were mostly idle chats and I never understood why he would do that all the time even to my ex girlfriend. It was much later I figured it out. He is trapped in a relationship with his wife where he cannot divorce her and the only way he can escape from his personal hell was to talk to everyone but his wife. They allowed him to be himself and he can forget his problems. He will stay out as late as possible, hit home dead tired and head to bed. This way he doesn’t need to speak much with the wife. It’s a sad situation but again same reasoning as to not wanting to come home. Not comfortable for him.
Like another friend said, being in a relationship that works is like wearing a very old t-shirt. Doesn’t fit as well anymore because of the tenth thousand times you washed it but it’s still always the first you pick to wear to sleep because it is the most comfortable. Food for thought. Next time you want to know if the other party is the one, think of home and old worn pajamas t shirt!
Saturday, 24 January 2009
WTF????!!!!!
Ok so I don’t always get it. So I don’t always click with everyone. Given my nature, it would be pretty hard for me not to be able to blend in with almost any group. A fact that can be attested by people who know me best or not. So I could never fathom why my ex has this strong need to engage in the company of this group of girlfriends of hers. Neither the topic nor conversation is least enchanting or funny. Well to me only I guess. I mean if at least one of them was funny, it would have been really hard to not want to be in their company all the time.
The worse is when someone tries to tell everyone something funny and the only person that’s really laughing is the same person, now that’s just really???? Which was how I felt when I accompanied my girlfriend then, and joined her girlfriends at a members club next to the sea. She loves the place and she loves them. I loved her dearly so I went along. The only person in the group apart from my ex whom I can talk with was not there so I can say they are boring. In all fairness, it was only that one night I was there with them when I made this judgment. No wait, I have hung out with them on other occassions before too. Ok it is official then, they are boring.
The topic sort of went like this….” Oh I said blah blah blah.” “Ha Ha Ha Ha” Note the laughter came from the speaker who had her fingers posed like some high society lady right after that statement while the other hand held nachos. The rest were having blank looks but wearing polite smiles. Fine I was the only one wearing a polite smile, the rest were smiling for god knows what. Then she proceeded to clarify, which I wish she didn’t, “Actually this was what happened….she said this, so I said this. And then she said this, so I said this and that’s how it all ended up with me saying this.” This was again followed by another round of Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha from the speaker mostly.
What the fxxx???!!! What the hell was that??!! It was because I came for my girlfriend and not for the company or I would have leaped over the railing and drowned myself in the open sea. Because I love her, I resisted this very big urge to reach over and choked her beloved girlfriend till she will never speak again. Either that or spanked her till she never dares to pretend to tell a funny story. IT’S NOT BLINKING FUNNY!!! I couldn’t even force out a chuckle. Not even when I tickled myself hard. My toes will drop off first before they can laugh at that.
Well, I never have to hang around them again or someone is not going to speak for a very long time. The only good thing that came out of my breakup with my girlfriend is I am no longer compelled to be with them as I am beginning to find a growing feminine side to me…being BITCHY!
The worse is when someone tries to tell everyone something funny and the only person that’s really laughing is the same person, now that’s just really???? Which was how I felt when I accompanied my girlfriend then, and joined her girlfriends at a members club next to the sea. She loves the place and she loves them. I loved her dearly so I went along. The only person in the group apart from my ex whom I can talk with was not there so I can say they are boring. In all fairness, it was only that one night I was there with them when I made this judgment. No wait, I have hung out with them on other occassions before too. Ok it is official then, they are boring.
The topic sort of went like this….” Oh I said blah blah blah.” “Ha Ha Ha Ha” Note the laughter came from the speaker who had her fingers posed like some high society lady right after that statement while the other hand held nachos. The rest were having blank looks but wearing polite smiles. Fine I was the only one wearing a polite smile, the rest were smiling for god knows what. Then she proceeded to clarify, which I wish she didn’t, “Actually this was what happened….she said this, so I said this. And then she said this, so I said this and that’s how it all ended up with me saying this.” This was again followed by another round of Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha from the speaker mostly.
What the fxxx???!!! What the hell was that??!! It was because I came for my girlfriend and not for the company or I would have leaped over the railing and drowned myself in the open sea. Because I love her, I resisted this very big urge to reach over and choked her beloved girlfriend till she will never speak again. Either that or spanked her till she never dares to pretend to tell a funny story. IT’S NOT BLINKING FUNNY!!! I couldn’t even force out a chuckle. Not even when I tickled myself hard. My toes will drop off first before they can laugh at that.
Well, I never have to hang around them again or someone is not going to speak for a very long time. The only good thing that came out of my breakup with my girlfriend is I am no longer compelled to be with them as I am beginning to find a growing feminine side to me…being BITCHY!
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Failure as a human being
I was in Bangkok recently for a holiday hoping to find a fickle of spark to rekindle my dying relationship, a hope in finding what was lost in transition over the past few months. Anyway that’s another story. What really made me re-look and re-think of myself as an ok decent guy was a scene which still haunts my memory till today though it was merely a couple of days ago. It was rather late around 10.30pm and I just had a really bad fight with my girl friend but we still decided to head for a badly needed massage. My back was bloody killing me and it felt ready to snap into two if I stood for another minute.
We walked really quickly hoping to still catch our intended massage at a nearby centre from our dining place before they closed. As we walked past the many tightly shut shops on the dimly lit street, I saw a plumb lady seated by the side of one of the closed shops cuddling a kid. Now if you have been to Bangkok, these would be a scene repeated many times over on many corners of the street. Poor people, poor children begging for some spare change you could throw down. As I turned the corner a memory of what I saw made me cringe at my indecisiveness to do a little charity. A small act of kindness to a fellow human being.
I thought I saw her cuddling a child who looked a lot bigger than most on the streets begging. The child likely to be a girl was plumpish like her mother, age perhaps 10 or 12 based on her size, and was all wrapped in a cloth like sarong. On her forehead rested a previously white face towel already covered in soot. The pace that we were walking soon took me far from where I last saw the lady whose child had her eyes closed like she was sleeping but the image of her was firmly etched into my head.
As we walked into the massage centre and took our respective packages paying some 500 baht each, I felt a sense of guilt handing the money over the counter without batting an eyelid to feel better about my back but yet hesitated in doing the same for the lady. Her child was likely to be running a high fever and given their plight probably couldn’t even afford medication and she had to resort to the basics of wet towel over the forehead. Soon the pain on my back was soothed away under the skilled hands of my masseur but the ache in my heart wasn’t.
We were done at midnight and we hopped into a taxi to head back to our hotel, to our comfortable king size bed with warm lights and designer fittings. As the driver sped away, we passed the scene where I last saw the lady and there she was still holding to her sick child tightly.
I closed my eyes and turned my head away in disgrace and disgust with myself. Ashame by the very thought that I failed as a human being to another.
We walked really quickly hoping to still catch our intended massage at a nearby centre from our dining place before they closed. As we walked past the many tightly shut shops on the dimly lit street, I saw a plumb lady seated by the side of one of the closed shops cuddling a kid. Now if you have been to Bangkok, these would be a scene repeated many times over on many corners of the street. Poor people, poor children begging for some spare change you could throw down. As I turned the corner a memory of what I saw made me cringe at my indecisiveness to do a little charity. A small act of kindness to a fellow human being.
I thought I saw her cuddling a child who looked a lot bigger than most on the streets begging. The child likely to be a girl was plumpish like her mother, age perhaps 10 or 12 based on her size, and was all wrapped in a cloth like sarong. On her forehead rested a previously white face towel already covered in soot. The pace that we were walking soon took me far from where I last saw the lady whose child had her eyes closed like she was sleeping but the image of her was firmly etched into my head.
As we walked into the massage centre and took our respective packages paying some 500 baht each, I felt a sense of guilt handing the money over the counter without batting an eyelid to feel better about my back but yet hesitated in doing the same for the lady. Her child was likely to be running a high fever and given their plight probably couldn’t even afford medication and she had to resort to the basics of wet towel over the forehead. Soon the pain on my back was soothed away under the skilled hands of my masseur but the ache in my heart wasn’t.
We were done at midnight and we hopped into a taxi to head back to our hotel, to our comfortable king size bed with warm lights and designer fittings. As the driver sped away, we passed the scene where I last saw the lady and there she was still holding to her sick child tightly.
I closed my eyes and turned my head away in disgrace and disgust with myself. Ashame by the very thought that I failed as a human being to another.
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